Tuesday, August 30, 2011

What If?

It’s a question that has woven itself into the lives of anyone wanting desperately to change an aspect of their lives. I have been asking this question for many years, but usually I’ll decide “what if?” would be either pointless or unwanted. The question of “what if?” is also known as the “Butterfly Effect”. Going to your past and changing one small detail could effect the entire world. Would the change be worth it?

So, if I could go back in time and change anything, would I? How far back would I have to go in order to make a significant change? How far back would I have to go to make a change that I wanted?

I have to say the option to change anything in my past is something I would consider heavily. So, here’s what I would change in order from oldest to newest:

  1. Go back to September of 2006 and explain to myself how I need to quit college before the cut off date, so I don’t get boned with owing the college money.
  2. Go back to August of 2007 and remind myself I need to go back to college, but this time go for a degree that everyone wouldn’t have in a few years. Possibly something fun.
  3. Go back to August of 2009 and explain to myself how I shouldn’t finance a vehicle that will keep me in debt for four years.
  4. Go back to November of 2009 and remind myself that since I don’t have a car loan, I should stay with my job since my bills would be less than what they would have been.
  5. Go back to December of 2009 and explain why I do not need to be in a relationship right then.

Now, since all of that would be taken care of, there would be some final instructions to myself for a while, “Don’t do anything but work, don’t go out on dates, and definitely be on Facebook chat on April 12th, 2011.

There is one more thing I would change:
  • Go back to the beginning of May of this year and have a good chat with myself. I’d tell myself just how, and how much I would screw up and explain how to not screw up.

Would that be fair of me to change the past of everyone for my own benefit and not change other things that would make other’s lives better? Would me changing the past even reflect on the present or future? If the one person I was changing the past to ultimately be with found out, would she even want to be with me then?

Yes, I am that superficial. I do want to change my past in order to be with someone I’m in love with. However, I’m not sure she’d want that. Perhaps a question better than “what if?” is needed. A question that looks towards the future, instead of the past. Is there such a question?

All I can say is, (name omitted), I’m in love with you. You are my best friend and my confidant. I have shared every secret I own with you. No matter what, I will always be here if you need me. Even if we aren’t a couple, you will never have to doubt our friendship, or my loyalty. I love you.


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